It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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