I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize