Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
