dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
