Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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