That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
