i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
