I cockslap morals
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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