Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
