Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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