were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
