jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
