well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
