K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
