fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
