We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
