Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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