I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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