Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
