oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize