I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
