Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry drMurderface hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(650): View more from California

Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou

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(518): View more from New York

Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.

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(509): View more from Washington

My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops

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(479): View more from Arkansas

No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.

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