i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
