its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
