Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
