Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
