Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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