Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
