The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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