I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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