She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
