I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
