kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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