He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i will never coherently bang her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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