just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
