sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
