In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
