Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
