you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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