Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
