Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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