Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
