If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
