I must be too annoying 4 u.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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