I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You're like the curious george of whores
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
