a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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