Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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