is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
