its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What did we do last night that was yellow?
someone owes me an orgasm
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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