He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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