id be glad to
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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