Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
