I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
