Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize