I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
