she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
