I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
