I can text with my tongue
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
