A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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