It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
