i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
