Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize