I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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