is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
