need another drink. this is the easiest way
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
