i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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