i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
