Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
