i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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