would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
